Have you ever had the feeling where you are supposed to be somewhere else? Like you were somewhere else...in a past existence maybe? Yeah I know it is a little wild, the thought of a previous existence, but I feel that... often. Sometimes when I watch a movie or hear a song I get that feeling. The images or sounds make me feel a certain tugging at my heart. Like my soul is saying "c'mon girl, you gotta be HEREnot there". Wherever "HERE" is. Some songs give me this deep yearning to be in another area of this country or in another season of my life. Sometimes it is sad, sometimes it is happy and exciting. My mind runs wild with the ideas of where I can be, and where I can go. This wanderlust is intense in my heart... every single day. I know I cannot be alone in this feeling. I suppose this yearning will continue until I can satisfy it just a little, however I'm sure that will spark an even greater desire for new places. I will travel soon, I just don't know here I will end up. For now, in California, where I was raised is where I will stay...however I don't feel that this is my home.
This song makes me feel like I belong in Arizona or Texas. Both of which I've been to briefly but I did not have the chance to explore them.
And this song, this one really really tugs at my soul. It makes me feel like I should be somewhere in the South or in Oklahoma again (I visited once and almost died, but that is another story ;] ) or in a forest or on a train. I do not know what it is about this song, but it makes me happy and sad all at the same time, also this is one of my favorite bands. "I've got my ticket and I'm going to go...home". I cannot wait to find my home.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love California. In fact, I have not explored enough of it. Maybe this wanderlust will never go away and I will never feel "home", but I sure do love the sweet thought of it.
Let me start by saying, I am so lucky. I am so lucky to have the father that I did/do. My dad was amazing in every way that a man can be amazing. Father's day is hard for me. My father passes away a little over three years ago. Although I do not allow that day to have power over my feelings, it is still a day where I feel loss all over again. But those moments when I am feeling really strong, I smile and I reflect on every good memory I have in my heart. I miss my father, and I am jealous of where he is now because I know it is a magical place. Happy Father's Day.
I tired creating this blog sometime last year (I believe) and clearly it didn't go very far. I suppose part of the reason is because I feel so insignificant. Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity party. What I am saying is, I do not feel like I have much to share like some of the bloggers I follow. To me, my life is pretty boring. Yet, I have so much going on, annnnnd so much to say. But, I keep it all to myself. Is this weird? Maybe not. Anyways I'm gonna try again. I'm gonna share and see if it helps to move me, if it helps me let...allow my creativity and thoughts flow. I tend to keep myself locked up so tight, I do not share many things with many people and I feel guilty when I do.
