Future Career

I will be graduating in a week with my Bachelor's degree in Psychology. I am beyond excited about this. 

{Side note: I am walking before my degree completion, so I will be in school all Summer to complete my last 4 core classes}

I am starting the Master's program in MFT and LPCC at the end of August, and I am even more excited about that. Lots of excitement going on around here :)) One thing that I have noticed lately is how much my education has changed me. It is a beautiful and welcomed change. I have learned to be a more compassionate person, which is a blessing, I think. It is not that I lacked compassion before, but more so patience for mistakes. 

Growing up, I witnessed a lot of family members make really horrible mistakes and I never understood why. I have always had this very black and white view of morality. There is right and there is wrong. There is no grey area where circumstances matter. But, as I have grown up a bit and I have learned so much about human beings, I have learned that circumstances do matter.

So, as I get closer to my degree completion, I am overwhelmed with the possibility of who I will be at that point. I look forward to those I can help, the hearts I can heal and the minds I can open. Psychology is a fairly new field of study (about 100 years old), and it is complex, but it is also {{beautiful}}. So cheers to my future career and the endless possibilities that this road will offer.

{Not sure of the source of this image, found it on my work computer, shhh ;)}

Have you witnessed change in your life due to the career path you have chosen?

Everything I like, I actually really love

Wow! It's been a while since I've blogged anything. I need to actually stick to my word and blog! 

Anyways, I found this picture and I could not stop laughing! Is anyone else as dramatic as me, when it comes to REALLY liking something? I mean, I use the words "I die" about a million (<--see I'm already exaggerating & being dramatic) times a day! I think this could be something that springs from individuality. As one gets older he/she have the ability (by ability I mean, inhibition) to fully voice what he/she like(s), love, have interest in. It's always nice to look back and think about how much my interests have changed over the years, and how I rarely am influenced or feel compelled to like something my best friend does. It's weird to see yourself grow in these little tiny ways. Le life! 

Xoxo 

Pain & Joy

I have been experiencing physical pain over the last 5-7 years. Some years its worse than others, some months its worse than others, some days its worse than others. Regardless of the severity it is always there. Even as I type this, I can feel pain in my arms and calves, shoulders and neck, back and hips. I constantly feel physical pain. Some days this can be defeating, but other days I feel the pain and I don't get sad about it, I lean towards joy. Through all the pain and sadness and feelings of defeat, I lean into joy with all my might. Earlier today I was feeling stiff and sore and all I could think about was this:
      

  My legs hurt, my bones hurt, but at least I can feel and at least I can walk and run. At least I have all my limbs in tact and properly functioning.

For all of that I am grateful and I am going to lean in even harder and feel joy. The pain is still here but for some magically strong reason I'm smiling.

Seriously, this time..... hopefully.

I was all motivated to start blogging like seriously. But I failed at that. What is most frustrating is the fact that I have so much to say but I just keep it all to myself. So I suppose that I will ramble in this post and see how that goes. So, here it what has been going on, running through my head, happening.

1. I notice that I distance myself from everyone in my life, a lot. Even my family members or friends that I absolutely adore. I have not figured out why I do this. Part of it might be protection. You see relationships require vulnerability. My brain is hardwired to recognize vulnerability as weakness and something scary. So yea, if I love you I love you, but I fear that love. In addition, I am so introverted. People can be draining. On another note, this fear of vulnerability could be why I keep failing at blogging. I mean in order to blog you have to be vulnerable right?

2. I graduated with my AA in June, from a Sign Language Interpreter Training Program. All together, it took me about 4 years. The program is 2 years, but I had to learn ASL first so that was about 3-1/2 years. It was a huge accomplishment for me.....th program is unbelievably hard. And, because I'm crazy, I started working on my BA in the last (hardest and most time consuming) semester of the interpreting program. I have been feeling sad lately because I am unable to take or apply for any interpreting jobs at the moment. It is rare to find an interpreting job that offers full-time and benefits. Sooo I cannot leave my job that I have now, because I need the hours and my medical insurance.

3. So while I have been down about not being able to apply my interpreting skills to a job, I got an exciting email from my university the other day. The email was information about applying for GRADUATION! yup, that soon already. I am on the path to receiving my BA officially in August of 2014, BUT I can walk in May/June 2014. I know that is about a year away but it is still exciting to think about. It is coming so fast. Since I am a full time student, my life operates on the schedule of deadlines and semester beginnings and ends...therefore life happens fast. In the blink of an eye I will be receiving my BA in Psychology. This is a good feeling, especially because I felt like I was running in place for a long time.

Ok I am going to stop rambling. I hope to fall into a pattern of consistent blogging, we will see. Pease ignore any typos....I'm too busy at work to go back and read this :P

A Photo a Day for 30 Days

I decided to take part in the 30 day self portrait challenge that the girls at A Beautiful Mess created:
http://www.abeautifulmess.com/2013/07/30-day-self-portrait-challenge.html

I hate taking pictures. HATE. So maybe this will help break the ice for me. Maybe at the end of this I won't feel so insecure. Also I really appreciate the fact that this is a fun & loving kind of project. I feel like may women refrain from taking self portraits because they feel like it is inappropriate or arrogant. I don't think society should shape our opinions and feelings about looking in the mirror or taking a pic of ourselves when we feel pretty. 20, 30, 40....50 years from now, I'm gonna want to look at the younger Valerie and remember what I looked like and felt like at this time in my life. Day 1:

Father's Day

Let me start by saying, I am so lucky. I am so lucky to have the father that I did/do. My dad was amazing in every way that a man can be amazing. Father's day is hard for me. My father passes away a little over three years ago. Although I do not allow that day to have power over my feelings,  it is still a day where I feel loss all over again. But those moments when I am feeling really strong, I smile and I reflect on every good memory I have in my heart. I miss my father, and I am jealous of where he is now because I know it is a magical place. Happy Father's Day.

Life

 I am having a really hard time figuring out where I want to be in my life right now. I have been so frozen by fear lately- and by lately I mean the last 4 years or so. I am tired of being afraid of life. I want to live again and feel happy and free. I want to do or not to things without feeling guilt. I do not know why after all the years of therapy I still feel shame and I still view myself as damaged goods. I know I am worth more than that, I just need to really see it for myself. I need to act now but where do I start?

This picture I took last month says a lot about how I feel about my life right now. Staring at something so beautiful yet so blank.