Conflicted

I have not been writing here as of late. Mainly because I am having issues sorting through some things (cryptic, I know). Matters of the heart, I guess you could say. I am not sure that I will ever talk about it here. But I hope to have a clear head soon. Anyone have tips for decompressing? 

Graduation

So, I finally did it. I have a Bachelor's degree in Psychology! I do not actually attain my degree until the end of August when I finish up my last requirements but STILLLL it is so exciting!

So rewind back to Saturday (5/3), I woke up feeling like a million bucks. I was overwhelmed with feelings of pride and accomplishment. However, as the morning progressed I began to feel a little saddened and everything was bittersweet. You see, my father looked forward to this day. He wanted so badly, to see me graduate college. When he passed away, graduating and other life milestones lost value in my eyes for a little bit. I wanted him to be with me on that day, to see me walk across the stage. As I began to feel more and more low, I realized he was with me. He is with me.

The ceremony was lovely, and I am proud of myself-which is a new feeling for me to explore {pride}.

Future Career

I will be graduating in a week with my Bachelor's degree in Psychology. I am beyond excited about this. 

{Side note: I am walking before my degree completion, so I will be in school all Summer to complete my last 4 core classes}

I am starting the Master's program in MFT and LPCC at the end of August, and I am even more excited about that. Lots of excitement going on around here :)) One thing that I have noticed lately is how much my education has changed me. It is a beautiful and welcomed change. I have learned to be a more compassionate person, which is a blessing, I think. It is not that I lacked compassion before, but more so patience for mistakes. 

Growing up, I witnessed a lot of family members make really horrible mistakes and I never understood why. I have always had this very black and white view of morality. There is right and there is wrong. There is no grey area where circumstances matter. But, as I have grown up a bit and I have learned so much about human beings, I have learned that circumstances do matter.

So, as I get closer to my degree completion, I am overwhelmed with the possibility of who I will be at that point. I look forward to those I can help, the hearts I can heal and the minds I can open. Psychology is a fairly new field of study (about 100 years old), and it is complex, but it is also {{beautiful}}. So cheers to my future career and the endless possibilities that this road will offer.

{Not sure of the source of this image, found it on my work computer, shhh ;)}

Have you witnessed change in your life due to the career path you have chosen?

Pain & Joy

I have been experiencing physical pain over the last 5-7 years. Some years its worse than others, some months its worse than others, some days its worse than others. Regardless of the severity it is always there. Even as I type this, I can feel pain in my arms and calves, shoulders and neck, back and hips. I constantly feel physical pain. Some days this can be defeating, but other days I feel the pain and I don't get sad about it, I lean towards joy. Through all the pain and sadness and feelings of defeat, I lean into joy with all my might. Earlier today I was feeling stiff and sore and all I could think about was this:
      

  My legs hurt, my bones hurt, but at least I can feel and at least I can walk and run. At least I have all my limbs in tact and properly functioning.

For all of that I am grateful and I am going to lean in even harder and feel joy. The pain is still here but for some magically strong reason I'm smiling.